A Bard's Trials, Day 6

The day starts as usual with some music.  Sadly, Riverwood is filled with slow, poor peasants.  At least Leiros is making a name for himself.

However, the name is 'fop with a lute.'  Accurate, though.

While Leiros is playing, he is actually thinking over this whole love triangle with Sven and Faendal and that snotty bitch Camilla.  She's a stuck up shopkeeper who can't forget that she's of Imperial birth.  Leiros can't stand her, and frankly, he thinks Sven could do much better for himself.  Still, he's never met this Faendal person and didn't even know there was another Bosmer in Riverwood.  Local gossip says he's been working at the mill, and no one knew why he had stayed on so long.  The old leatherworking biddy says that Faendal goes out hunting in the morning, then works at the mill for a few hours.
Hunting?
Leiros runs over to the mill, and spies an elf with a bow.
Sven would never be happy with Camellia anyway, Leiros realizes.  It would take someone like this archer to keep Camilla in line.  And the first step to that, is taking Faendal on a few adventures so that Camilla realizes what she's missing when Faendal isn't there fawning on her every Imperial word.  Also, so that she can see Faendal's true potential.
More importantly, an adventuring party of two bards would be a sad and pathetic thing.

You idiot.  She's just a girl.

However, Leiros realizes it will take a little effort to convince Faendal to kill things for him - that is, join Leiros in his adventures.

Sure.  Great idea.  She'll never see through that.  No, really, she won't.  She's not smart.

However, arranging his future marriage might work.  Leiros takes the note, and dutifully trots over to the Riverwood Trader to see Camilla and her long-suffering brother Lucan.

Yeah, you tell her Lucan!  Wise man.

Before handing it over, Leiros realizes he should check to make sure that this letter will actually work.  Or maybe Leiros just likes reading other people's mail.

Oh, Sven, you sweet talker, you.

*tbc*

A Bard's Trials, Day 5

After a successful day of doing what bards do best (performing, not drinking), Leiros gets a good night's sleep and wakes up feeling Rested and ready to go!

A good breakfast is the start of a good day!

Leiros dons his armor and girds his loins for the long walk to Riverwood.  There is only one wolf on the way (that pelt will be turned into a cloak) and a group of Imperials escorting a prisoner.  Leiros gives them a wide berth, just in case.  He reaches Riverwood safely, intent on avoiding the manor house, and just trying to find Cousin Beryl's camp.

Found it!  Hey, is anyone home?  Beryl?

The camp is eerily quiet except for the buzzing of bees.

It's like some sort of sinister plot to take over the world!

Leiros finds his cousin's body by the beehive, and swats several malevolent bees before they can sting him.  Leiros considers.  It's not like they were close, and people die all the time in Skyrim.  Plus, she would have wanted him to be well dressed.  And surely she would have let him take the honey.  With that moral dilemma settled, Leiros helps himself to everything movable in her camp.

That's the manor house.  We're not going there because Father will be mean to me.

He pointedly does not go home for a brief moment to ask for a few thousand septims to make his life easier. Instead, he goes to check out the local mine which not under anyone's control.  On the way, Leiros stops to pray at a Guardian stone, and does not mock the terrible artwork there.

*giggle*

Walking and practicing some music, Leiros walks up the path to the mine, and is startled to see a violent woman in furs moving around menacingly, as if guarding the cave.  With a slightly insane challenge, she darts forward and tries to kill Leiros before he can report that the mine is overrun with bandits.  As it happens, Leiros was playing his Battle Drum, and quickly uses it to defend himself.  The fight ends quickly and badly - for the bandit.

You're no match for the power of the beat!

With unseemly glee and pride in being a successful Bard (albeit one without a degree), Leiros turns around and skips merrily back to Riverwood.  (After stripping her corpse of anything remotely valuable, of course.)  What?  You thought he was going to into the mine?  There are bandits in there.  That drum can't kill them all. Don't be ridiculous.  Leiros makes a note that he really, really needs a girlfriend or boyfriend to do all the killing for him.

Quick pause to check the flute.

 Riverwood.  Lovely little hamlet.

And the lute.

Okay, this place sucks.  You'd run away from home, too.  Don't lie.
Luckily, the family is at the house in Windhelm right now, so Leiros doesn't have to worry about anyone asking him where he has been for the last five days.  At least he has decent clothes again.  We'll be periodically modeling everything in the collection in the next few days.

Hey, Sven likes me!

 The bard here is a lot less annoying than that jerk in the Bannered Mare.

Duet time!

Leiros and Sven play a few songs together.  (Sven plays the exact same tune, instead of conflicting.)  The bar is quite generous.

More singing!  More!

Leiros plays backup while Sven does the vocals.  They split the take, and after the show is over, Sven asks Leiros to help him with some trifling matter.  Leiros agrees, and takes the letter to ruin Faendal's chances with the smarmy Camilla.

Wait - Valenwood?  He's a Bosmer?  Did Sven say that?

Next episode will feature the return of Leiros' pesky morals.  Some of them, anyway.

A Bard's Trials, Day 4

Having established himself on the outskirts of Whiterun thanks to Grandma's old gypsy wagon, Leiros searches the caravan to see if there is anything useful here.  Also, since he did kill a few wolves way back when, he has been carrying around their pelts (along with lots of other salable goods) for a few days, and the caravan has a leatherworking thing he can kind of use.

It's empty cuz I took all the things out :D  What things?  You'll see!

First, his backpack - because Grandma wasn't kidding when she said she would hand over everything to Leiros.  More happy noises.  Next, to the crafting things to turn pelts to leather and then leather into decent things to wear to hunt wolves in.

Now I will have to find a better excuse for running away in cowardice.

So what was in the backpack, you ask?

Nothing much.  Oh, you got me.  I'm a lyre.

INSTRUMENTS!  At last!  Leiros can go out and earn coin doing what he does best!  Okay, second best, if you count running away in terror.  Well, actually that would be third best and singing second, if this was an adult story but we're not going there.  Also, that mod doesn't handle height differences well at all.
With his new flute, lute (lyre), and drum in hand, Leiros rushes to Whiterun to embark on his quest to fame and glory.  After stopping at the Temple of Kynareth to cure his diseases, Leiros sets forth to break in to the world of music.

Or, you know, being ignored.

However, since the bard in the tavern is louder and kind of a jerk, Leiros chooses to play a few performances in the town square instead.  His new brand of music gets lukewarm appreciation in the form of about 40 gold total, and earns him a level up!  Finally!  Well, it makes sense that playing music would get him more experience than hacking at monsters, doesn't it?  After all, he's a bard, not a warrior.

Some snooty jerk from the Cloud District mocks his clothes, and Leiros has to admit that his current outfit is pretty horrible.  He remembers that a cousin on the gypsy side was working on making her mark in the fashion world, and had set up camp just across from the family house in Riverwood.  Leiros decides to pay her a visit tomorrow and see about maybe getting some new clothes for performing in.

He started playing the same instrument I would play every single time, and sang 'Ragnar the Red' over me every time I started a custom song.

With a plan for the future (get new clothes, get rich and famous, hire a mercenary, get into college), Leiros returns to the caravan for a rest so that he can get a early start on heading to Riverwood tomorrow.

A Bard's Trials, Day 3

What's the worst that could happen?

Our - not very heroic at all - protagonist - has made it to Solitude, by dint of thievery, backstabbing, and outright murder.  Like any real bard.  Since he didn't want to spend money to sleep for two hours, he instead had a few drinks.

With severe palpitations (and a wicked hangover), Leiros opens the door and enters the College.  He is immediately greeted by the Head of the College, an Altmer named Viarmo.  Without making any horrible comments about cannibalism, Viarmo happily welcomes him to the Bards' College, and gives him the application exam.  Which is less of an exam, really, and more of a ....

That sounds like... a quest.

Dead Mans' Respite?  Graverobbing?  Can't Leiros just... sing?  Write a Britney Spears song?  You know, do bard stuff!  He's not cut out for this 'adventuring' thing.
With a heavy sigh, Leiros realizes that if he really wants to be a Bard, he's going to have to find a way to deal with this crazy entrance exam.
Having seen the local prices, he knows that he can't afford to buy anything.  However, he does have some leftover leather and some leather strips that he found lying around here and there (the most recent being, on the table near the executioner after they all left.  Leiros has given up on morality).  Now, if he could just find a smith to put these things together for him, at least maybe he'd stand a chance.  A small one.  Or, Leiros realizes, maybe he could hire a mercenary.  Or seduce one.  Or something.  Something that won't eat into his precious store of gold.
*tbc*

A Bard's Trials, Day 2

The abandoned house fills most of Leiros' expectations, as well as his belly.  Fresh food, wine, cheese, garlic.  If it wasn't for the Daedric presence permeating the whole place, he would be thoroughly content.  While the Vigilant guy wanders around investigating, Leiros helps himself to all the things that would fit in his bag.  At last, a decent weapon!  And a shield.  Like he was ever going to use that!  The shield goes right in his bag, and Leiros has high hopes of being able to actually make enough to sleep, and be well on his way to affording the carriage to Solitude.  And then the Vigilant asks Leiros to help with something.

Should have seen that coming.

As the two sorry excuses for adventurers try to flee the haunted house, the Daedra tries to work on their minds.  Listening to the Vigilant struggle was pretty much the moment every moral that Leiros still possessed died.  The Vigilant had armor, magic, and a mace.  Leiros had one crappy sword and a shield he could barely use.  Leiros also had the presence of mind to backstab first, before the Vigilant cracked.  After barely surviving, Leiros swipes everything he can from the Vigilant's body, and goes down to the altar where the Daedric Prince is lurking.

Okay, I really should have seen that coming.

Trapped, Leiros makes a panicked plea to the Daedra, and finds that he has somehow agreed to lead a priest of Boe-whatthehellishername to the altar at some point.  Could have been worse.  At least he is set free, and more importantly: can now sleep in the abandoned, haunted house.  Normally, this wouldn't seem like such a good prospect, but this is where criminals come from, boys and girls.  Desperation.
After a good night's sleep, Leiros loots the house, and takes the stuff down to the local trader to sell as much as he can, and then tries to buy some real armor.

Damn you, Economics of Skyrim.  Damn you.

While he can't afford anything, he does have enough for the all-important trip to Solitude.  YAY!  After a few celebratory drinks, Leiros staggers to the carriage and pays for a ride to Solitude.

Most college towns are... brighter.  More cheery.  This place looks like I should expect an execution at any minute.

It's 4am, Leiros is tired, but still has plenty of coin in his pocket (until he sees how much it costs to rent a room in Solitude).  Sure, it's dark and gloomy, but Solitude is a wealthy city, filled with nobles and civilization!

And executions.

Just once, Leiros would like to enter a city without someone dying immediately afterwards.

A Bard's Trials, Day 1

Setup: I know what option it looks like I selected, but trust me, I'm not going to start off drowning.  Perish the thought.  Seriously, the boat is freaking upside down!  I'd never find my way out.

Our story begins with young Leiros, the indolent scion of a wealthy and noble (mixed) family, deciding to go against his father's wishes and attend the Bard's College in Solitude.  Determined to prove that he is capable of making it on his own, Leiros runs away instead of waiting for his courier and bodyguards.
He is promptly attacked and left for dead... somewhere.  He has no idea where he is, and all his belongings are gone.  Upon wandering around for a little while, he comes across a group of Imperial soldiers standing around a few dead bodies.  Leiros, a loyal and civilized citizen, immediately walks up to say hello and perhaps ask for directions.  The soldiers respond by telling him that he is interfering with Imperial business, and that he has to pay 100 septims as a fine.  Fine!
And then Leiros remembers that he is broke, and unarmed.
The guards draw their weapons, and Leiros takes off running at top speed, which isn't very speedy.  However, the advantage of wearing nothing but cheap clothes and serviceable boots instead of full armor rapidly becomes apparent, and Leiros climbs over some rocks and drops down to a different area where the heavily clad soldiers can't follow.  Mindful of the fact that they might just go the long way around, Leiros keeps moving - still completely lost.  And broke.  And unarmed.

This has not been the best day.

After losing the soldiers and resolving never to talk to strange men in Imperial uniform ever again, Leiros decides to climb to the top of a large hill to try and get his bearings.

Yes, right up the hill.

On one side is a mysterious looking cairn of some sort.  Possibly also a mine.  Possibly the mine where the clothes that Leiros is currently wearing came from, but since he's still unarmed and lost, he's not going to investigate.  Meanwhile, to the south, he can see the outlines of some sort of city.  He also realizes at this point that Solitude, where he actually wants to be, is very, very far away.

We're not going there.

At this point, not so much 'lost' as 'abandoned in the wilds to die.'

After a few moments of deliberation (read, 'sobbing in panicked anguish'), Leiros decides to head south towards what should be Markarth.  He hopes.  It's close enough to be reached today, barring attacks by bears, angry soldiers, wolves, giants... (more panicked sobbing)
Realizing that his only hope of arriving anywhere safely is to avoid all encounters, Leiros continues taking advantage of the mountainous terrain, using it in preference to the open plains for as long as possible.  After a few hours of not plummeting to certain death and carefully avoiding wolves and bandits, Leiros comes upon civilization!

A farm!  With people!  And not bandits!

Leiros approaches, and has a chat with the surly owner of Salvius farm.  At least he now knows exactly where he is (at the ass-end of Skyrim) and hopefully can earn enough to get a carriage to take him somewhere that is really civilized.  After checking his pockets - which aren't even really his - Leiros decides to settle for earning enough to eat some dinner and sleep in a bed tonight.  The farmer offers him a simple job picking some potato plants, which Leiros readily accepts.  Because he's desperate   He has 7 septims to his name at the moment.  Leiros has no idea how far that will go in the real world, but he suspects that it won't be enough to buy a horse.

Simple enough.

And so Leiros does some work for the first time in his life.  Note: It sucks.

17 Septims, that's 24 total!

Leiros gleefully collects his wages and continues on towards Markarth stables.  He sees a carriage, and decides to chat with the driver for a bit, before coming right down to business: Getting to Solitude.

Say what?

You have GOT to be kidding me.

This needs a title

Revised NPC Rules (for my entertainment)

These rules are based on and inspired by the masterful Chris Livingston, author of many wonderful and humorous things, and it is also inspired by The Elder Roles.

1.       NPCs have to eat and sleep.
Ok, this is a no brainer.  Obviously, maintaining needs is the core of the NPC experience.  Well, that, and repeating the same lines over and over.
I will be using the following mods to cover eating and sleeping:

a.       Realistic Needs and Diseases

b.      Cooking Expanded (patched for RND)

c.       Inns and Taverns - Realistic Room Rental Enhanced

2.       NPCs have to earn their money, and are not generic adventurers.
Like me, my NPC must buckle down and earn some cold hard cash before starving to death.  However, unlike the typical completely combat useless NPC, I will be making a bard.  So he's barely useful in a fight.  However, due to the nature of the game, I will turn up the difficulty to overcome my RPG skills.  Finally, as a bard, I will be playing with loose morals.  Therefore, if it isn't owned or nailed down, I can take it for myself (so long as no one is watching).  Expect to see me in jail at some point.  I will be controlling skills and experience gain, setting caps, and creating the bard class with these mods:

a.       Skyrim -Community- Uncapper

b.       Playable Instruments - Play and Bash

3.       NPCs do not run like Speedy Gonzales on crack.
Well, not without pausing every five feet, anyway.  Just ask Hadvar….

a.       Realistic Running Speed

4.       NPCs are not allowed fast travel.
WHOAH!  No way.  I have a day job, I don't time to walk everywhere.  Besides, I'm going to be playing a frivolous noble.  Compromise:

a.       Better Fast Travel - Carriages and Ships (expensive version)

b.      Economics of Skyrim (this way, I can use carriages for faster travel IF I can afford it)

5.       NPCs are not the heroes.
Well, no, obviously not.  He's a wannabe bard who ran away from a life of luxury and privilege.  Dragonborn?  Never heard such nonsense.

a.       You are not the Dragonborn

b.      Alternate Start - Live Another Life

6.       NPCs cannot reload.
I do keep the Chris Livingston caveats, however: if I get killed because of user error (oh hai Logitech Updates THAT DISABLE MY KEYBOARD), that's not the same as dying because of user error (AAAH FOURTEEN BANDITS).  Other than that, if he goes down, he's gone.

I will also be using my normal selection of appearance mods.  Dirty, ugly Skyrim has no appeal for me, sorry.  And I will be keeping most of my regular mods in play as well, because I'm used to playing that way.